HERE THEY ARE...
MY DEEPEST DARKET SECRETS...


But before I let you see this dreaded list, I just want to say that you are one snoopy, depraved, individual who needs to get a life. You will stop at nothing to get people's dirt just so you can contribute some sleazy, nasty, juicy tidbit during your coffee break. You think it helps you get accepted to the A clique. Well, I think you are one sorry, scum-feeding, loser. You probably lacked parental love as a kid and probably never got invited to the prom. You are constantly insecure about your looks and the only people who laugh at your jokes are those who call you boss. You are slime disguised in pretentious branded clothes that you can afford to buy only because you sell Avon products on the side. And it gives you great pleasure to see my dirt hoping to redeem your broken self-esteem by feeling superior to me.


Yes, I accept all these accusations and I just want to see that darn list!!


No, you are wrong. I just got carried away by the variety of backgounds and I do not really want to know your nasty secrets. Your past is past. Please take me back.